How To Understand Humans
by CallieeGirl
Summary: Toothless and Stormfly learn about most human customs from Hiccup and Astrid's relationship. And sometimes things, or thoughts, can get a little... Interesting... especially when Hiccup and Astrid get married. Series of One-Shots!
1. How To React When Your Riders Kiss

**How To React When Your Riders Kiss**

* * *

 **Set After Defenders Of The Wing**

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Toothless warbled seeing Astrid enter Hiccup's hut. "Hello Toothless," Astrid said petting the dragons head before walking over to where Hiccup was working.

"Hello milady, what are you up to today?" Hiccup turned away from his latest invention to look at the blonde.

"Securing the edge, keeping the twins in line, chasing Snotlout with my axe," Astrid said.

"So, in other words, a normal day on the edge?" Hiccup asked smiling widely.

Astrid nodded. "What are you working on?"

"Eh, a new tail for Toothless, to help him make those tight turns," Hiccup said holding out a piece of paper. Astrid nodded again before resting her hands on his shoulders, rubbing them.

"Your tense... What's up?" Astrid asked.

"Nothing a little time with you can't fix," Hiccup said sweetly.

"Oh, you little sweet talk-" Astrid was cut off by Hiccup's lips on hers. Toothless stuck his tongue out when Astrid leaned in, deepening the kiss. When they didn't part, he snorted and walked out of the seemingly cramped space. He wasn't very accustomed to human interaction like this, but he knew when to give them privacy. When he saw Stormfly waiting for Astrid, he walked over to her.

 _'Humans act weird,"_ Toothless told Stormfly.

 _'What do you mean?"_ Stormfly asked confused.

 _'Hiccup's lips are on hers again. I'm afraid one of these times he's going to suffocate her,"_ Toothless said. They both listened to hear a slight moan from Hiccup's hut.

 _'I think they're mating... Or something like that,'_ Stormfly squawked.

 _'Mating involves more I thought,"_ Toothless said.

 _'I don't know humans mate. Astrid said something about a... Kiss?'_

 _'Weird... They always act happier after doing this... Kissing thing you said.'_

 _'Maybe they feed each other fish while doing it!'_

 _'I don't think that's how it works... Maybe they exchange ideas through their mouths.'_

 _'That doesn't sound right either... Maybe-'_

Suddenly a big boom was heard. Toothless and Stormfly looked to see the twins laughing and running, before hearing Snotlout yelling at them. Hiccup's door opened and Astrid stepped out, her face flushed and lips swollen.

"I'll... See you tomorrow," She told Hiccup and he nodded kissing her quickly before she got on Stormfly. "Bye Toothless," He warbled a bye and she left. Toothless then walked oved to his Rider and gave him a smug look.

"What? What are you looking at?" Hiccup asked flustered. When the Dragon laughed Hiccup scowled and disappeared into his hut mumbling, _"Shut up you useless reptile."_

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 **What did you guys think? Sorry it was so short! Please review and comment!**


	2. How To Sleep When Your Riders Mate

**How To Sleep When Your Riders Mate**

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 **Set After HTTYD 2**

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Toothless groaned again as he heard another moan from the upstairs bedroom. Stormfly squawked a little louder as they looked at each other. Hiccup and Astrid gotten married that day and when night had fallen the two went up to the bedroom, never to come down again that night. It wasn't that the two dragons minded that their riders got married, in fact, they were both overjoyed. It was fine at the beginning, but they were coming up on the fifth hour, and Toothless had just about enough.

 _'How much longer will this go on?'_ Stormfly asked as Toothless covered his ears.

 _'I don't know,'_ Toothless answered closing his eyes again.

"Hiccup!" The dragons heard Astrid shout.

 _'He must be hurting her!'_ Stormfly said standing up.

 _'How do you know it's not Astrid hurting Hiccup?!'_ Toothless asked also standing.

When they heard another scream, followed by a moan Stormfly squawked. _'I don't know who's hurting who! But what I do know is that they must be in trouble!'_

Toothless nodded in agreement and the dragons ran up the stairs, bursting through thr closed door. Hearing the sudden noise, Hiccup and Astrid quickly separated and pulled a cover up to their chests.

"Toothless? What are you doing here?!" The young viking chief asked, obviously embarrassed.

Toothless gave his rider a look that meant, _'We thought you were in danger!'_

"No! No, no no. Not at all. We are definitely okay," Hiccup said.

"Well, maybe a little _more_ than okay," Astrid piped in, her cheeks also burning red. Hiccup sent her a small smile before turning back to thr intruding dragons.

"Astrid and I were just having some fun, that's all... So, if you wouldn't mind..." Hiccup gestured to the door.

 _'Oh! They're mating! I get it now!'_ Stormfly said.

Toothless snorted and glared at his rider before started out the door. Hiccup took it to mean, _'I don't_

 _care if You mate, but keep it down. Your worse than Gobber and his snoring.'_

"You too girl. We're okay," Astrid sent a smile to Stormfly and the female dragon rolled her eyes before following Toothless.

When the dragons got back downstairs they heard laughing from Hiccup and Astrid. Then a loud smack before they called out, "GOODNIGHT YOU TWO!"

Toothless growled and laid back down, Stormfly doing the same. It wasn't too long before the moans started again, and the dragons gave each other a look before smirking. They started making as much noise as possible and they heard Hiccup groan and Astrid huff.

"ALRIGHT, WE GET IT!" Astrid yelled. Stormfly and Toothless stopped and laughed.

"Remind me to leave them at my mom's tomorrow," Hiccup said rubbing his hands over his face.

 _'We would still be able to hear them,'_ Toothless told Stormfly before both dragone and riders went to bed, and slept.


	3. How To Survive Your Riders Breakup Pt1

**We all dread it, Hiccstrid breaking up. We think it's impossible. Well, not here... Please don't kill me** ** _*hides behind Toothless*_**

 **Set after HTTYD 2**

* * *

"You promised me you wouldn't do it anymore!"

Toothless covered his ears as he heard Astrid yell at Hiccup. The two had been at it for the past hour. He didn't even know what they were fighting about, but ever since Hiccup became chief their days were full of pointless arguments.

Toothless groaned and got up, walking to the kitchen where the two were yelling.

"You promised you would eat! Why haven't you eaten!" Astrid yelled.

"I've been a little busy with, you know, running the village!" Hiccup yelled back.

"You can't run the village if you're dead!"

"Doing this won't kill me!"

"Doing this will put you in your grave!"

Toothless looked at his rider and now saw why Astrid was yelling. His face was pale, his eyes now dull with sadness, and the dark bags under his eyes just made his cheekbones stick out more, if that was even possible.

"You don't understand!"

"What?! What don't I understand?!"

"Dad always did this kind of thing! You never saw anyone try to stop him!"

"You are not Stoick, Hiccup! When are you going to understand that!"

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of one Astrid!"

"Not when the one is the chief and not eating!"

"Why do you even care?!"

"Why?! Because I _love_ you Hiccup! And I don't want to see you like this again! I-I just can't."

Hiccup sighed and leaned against the table. Toothless made a sad moan and the two ignored him. _'Stupid humans! Arguing is getting you nowhere!'_

"Then leave," Hiccup finally said after a moment of silence. Both Astrid and Toothless turned to him in complete shock.

"Wh-What?" Astrid asked finding her words again.

 _'Don't do it Hiccup. You love her,'_ Toothless warbled and gave his rider a look.

"If you don't like the way I do things then there's no reason for us to stay together," Hiccup said. Toothless groaned at his Hiccup's silliness.

"So what are you saying? You're breaking up with me?" Astrid asked. "Are all we've been through, you're just pushing me away? I've stuck with you through everything. Are you seriously throwing that all out?"

When Hiccup didn't answer right away Astrid continued. "Fine. I see how it is. Well, when you need someone to talk to or someone to get you out of trouble, find another girl who will put up with you. Because I'm done," She said and grabbed her ax before walking out the door. Toothless could tell that she was hiding her tears as she stormed to her house. The two males winced as they heard her house door slam.

Hiccup looked after Astrid and then felt something small hit the back of his head. He turned and found Toothless glaring at him.

"What? Oh, don't tell me you're taking her side," Hiccup said pouting.

 _'I'm not taking sides, but you're being an idiot. Astrid is trying to take care of you. You did get one trait from your Dad. Your stubbornness. And it's not something to be proud of,"_ Toothless said before walking out of the house.

Hiccup groaned and rubbed his head before going up up to his bedroom and collapsing on the bed.

* * *

 **I know, it was bad. But don't worry, there'll be a part two! So stay tuned!**


	4. How To Survive Your Riders Breakup Pt 2

**See, I would never leave you guys like that. Here's part 2 :)**

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Toothless sighed as he gave Hiccup another nudge to try and get him out of bed and eat something. It had been two weeks since the big breakup, and _all_ of Berk was suffering.

"Leave me alone Toothless," Hiccup mumbled from the pillow.

Toothless grumbled. _"It's your fault you lazy human! Astrid is gone because you were too stubborn to listen to her! Now look where you are!"_

"Just go," Hiccup said and Toothless glared before pushing Hiccup off the side of the bed.

"Wha-Hey!" He said sitting up off the floor. "I don't want to go flying okay?! I don't want to do anything! Leave me alone and let me be miserable! At least that I'm good at!"

Toothless growled at his rider before leaving the room. He had to make this right, for Hiccup. Thor knows he's too stubborn to do anything about it. Besides, he had a village to run. He couldn't be chief if he was moping around about Astrid.

So, Toothless made his way to the Hofferson household, to hear Astrid cursing and yelling. Stormfly squawked and ran out of the house.

 _"Stormfly? You okay?"_ Toothless asked making his way over to his friend.

 _"Yeah. I'm fine. Astrid is having another meltdown about Hiccup,"_ Stormfly said and watched as a plate came flying out of the house, crashing to the ground.

 _"Yikes,"_ Toothless said.

 _"How's Hiccup?"_

 _"About the same. Refusing to eat, or do anything for that matter."_

 _"We need to get them back together."_

 _"I agree. All of Berk is lost without Hiccup and Astrid working together,"_ Toothless said and saw Tuffnut and Ruffnut playing a prank on Snotlout. _"And I think I know exactly how to do it."_

 _"Oh no, not them. Anything but them,"_ Stormfly said but Toothless was already on his way over to the twins.

* * *

Somehow, Stormfly had no idea how, but Toothless got Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs, and Snotlout to agree to the plan.

"Alright, so we all know the plan?" Fishlegs asked.

"Heck yeah! Operation Get-Hiccstrid-Back is a go!" Snotlout said and rubbed his hands together. The others stared at him. "What? I want my baby cousin to be happy again. I'm tired of seeing him mope around."

"Um... Okay... That is weird but also sweet," Tuffnut said. "Anyway, let's get this show on the road! I'm ready for some mini Hiccups and Astrids!"

"That is also weird," Fishlegs shook his head at the imagery. "Though I agree, we need to get started. Ruff, Tuff, you know what to do."

The twins nodded and flew off with Barf and Belch. Everyone else acted like it was a normal day.

Hiccup finally came out of his house and walked down the street. His eyes dull, face paler than before they broke up, and jaw bones more visible than ever.

"Hello Hiccup!" Fishlegs said a little too happily.

"Uh... Hey Fishlegs," Hiccup said suspicious of why his friend was excited. Toothless subtly hit Fishlegs with is tail and Fishlegs cleared his throat.

"So, I was thinking maybe we-"

"Hunters! Dragon Hunters!" Tuffnut yelled as he and Ruffnut crashed onto the ground with Barf and Belch.

"Ruff, translation," Hiccup said.

"Hunter ships, dozens of them, on the far side of the island," Ruffnut said.

"Saddle up, Snotlout, get Astrid," Hiccup said and jumped on Toothless before taking to the sky. Snotlout ran to get Astrid and Tuffnut and Ruffnut high-fived.

"Great job you two, let's get the next step in motion," Fishlegs said and called for Meatlug.

* * *

The riders flew towards the south side of the Island, but didn't see any hunter ships.

"Huh, maybe they went around," Hiccup told Toothless and saw Astrid flying towards them.

"Where are they?" Astrid asked looking around.

"I don't know," Hiccup said. "They couldn't have gotten far if they left."

"Hiccup! Astrid! Down here!" Fishlegs yelled at the two from a cave entrance on the ground. Hiccup and Astrid shared a quick look before flying down.

"I found this!" Fishlegs held out a dragon root arrow.

"So they are here," Astrid said taking the arrow.

"I think they went into the cave. You guys should go first. Meatlug and I will follow," Fishlegs said.

"Um, okay?" Hiccup said and confusedly walked into the cave. Astrid shrugged and grabbed her ax before following him.

"Okay Snotlout, now," Fishlegs said quietly before following the two riders and their dragons.

"Here we go HookFang. Don't let me down," Snotlout told his dragon before putting on a helmet the twins stole from an actual hunter. He ran after the six.

"Ah, there you are Hiccup Haddock," He said disguising his voice.

"What the?" Hiccup and Astrid turned around and saw Tuffnut, Ruffnut, and Snotlout dressed to be like dragon hunters.

"Ah! They followed us! Toothless! Get them!" Fishlegs screeched and Toothless rolled his eyes and his acting skills before getting ready to plasma blast the top of the cave.

"No bud, don't!" Hiccup shouted but Toothless went ahead and gave the cave a big blast and rumble came down separating Fishlegs and the 'Hunters' from Toothless, Stormfly, Astrid, and Hiccup.

"Hiccup! Aw man, don't worry! We'll get you out of there!" Snotlout called and high-fived Fishlegs before following Tuffnut and Ruffnut out of the cave. "In about two days," He finished after they were on their dragons and flying away.

* * *

"Well, that's just great. Thanks a lot bud," Hiccup sighed, his hand on some of the rocks. Toothless laughed and snuggled down on the ground. "And now you're going to sleep. You're not even gonna help me figure a way out? Man, you're the best friend anyone could ask for."

Astrid sighed and leaned against Stormfly. "You were a great help Stormfly," she said to her dragon. "Getting us stuck in here... Together."

Hiccup glanced at Astrid before trying to move some of the rocks. "If I could just move a couple of these, I might be able to reach the other side."

"The walls too thick. You'll never be able to get through. It's not use Hiccup. We're stuck in here until the others find a way to get us out," Astrid sat down. "We might as well get comfortable."

"Maybe if you had stayed behind with Fishlegs you could be helping them," Hiccup said. He didn't know exactly why he said that, but the hunger and exhaustion were finally taking over, and he was taking his anger out on the one closest to him. Toothless opened his eyes and stared at his rider. Man, he was digging an even deeper grave, Toothless wasn't sure he could get him out of.

"Oh, so now this is my fault now?" Astrid asked standing up and walking over to Hiccup.

"Well, it's definitely not my fault."

"Of course it isn't. Nothing is ever your fault."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"Maybe if you hadn't left me in the time I needed you the most we wouldn't be in this pickle in the first place."

"You needed me the most? _You_ are the one who kicked _me_ out. You broke up with _me._ I had nothing to do with leaving."

"You walked out the door!"

"Because you told me to!"

"I never told you to leave!"

"Really?! Because that's not how I remember it!"

"Forget it! I'll find my own way out!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Ugh!"

"Ugh!" Hiccup and Astrid both stormed to the opposite sides of the cave and sat down, leaning against the dragons.

* * *

As night came, Astrid fell asleep. Hiccup continued to try and work on a way out, but he realized something. He would never get out of here without Astrid's help. Speaking of which... Hiccup heard Astrid whimpering. _Was she... Crying?_

"Astrid? Are you okay?" He asked walking over to her.

"I'm fine. Leave me alone," Astrid said turning away from Hiccup.

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, how am I supposed to help?"

Astrid turned back around and glared. "You should know exactly why I'm crying. Or are you so dense you don't pay attention anything besides trying to be like your Dad?"

"Hey, that's not true!"

"Really?!"

"Yes really!"

"Then why have you been pushing us all away?!"

"I haven't been pushing you away!"

"Do you even hear yourself?! When was the last time you ate?! Or slept for that matter?! You don't care about anyone! Even yourself apparently!"

"I do care about people!"

"Who?! Obviously not the village, or else you would be taking care of yourself! Not me, or else you would be listening to me and taking care of yourself!"

"I do care about you!"

"Then why don't you show it?! You just push me away!"

"I don't mean to! I just... I'm afraid..."

"Afraid of what Hiccup?! What could you possibly afraid of that we couldn't help you with?!"

"I'm afraid of losing _you_ Astrid! You! I've been trying to protect you, and all of Berk!"

"Starving yourself is _not_ protecting us! Why can't you understand you have to take care of yourself too! You're such an idiot sometimes! I just-" Astrid was cut off by Hiccup's mouth on hers.

It had been such a long time since he had kissed her like that. It wasn't a passionate kiss like he normally gave her, it was a hungry, _'I need you'_ kiss.

Toothless opened his eyes slightly and saw Hiccup and Astrid kissing. He smiled and got up, walking further into the cave quietly with Stormfly, leaving the two alone.

Hiccup pushed Astrid against the wall and she tangled her hands in is shaggy hair as he left a trail of kissed from her lips to her neck. As they continued their activities, Toothless and Stormfly watched from behind a wall.

 _"Told you it would work," Toothless smirked at Stormfly._

 _"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Stormfly rolled her eyes._

* * *

By the time the others rescued Hiccup and Astrid, they found them holding hands, smiling at each other, and many marks on their necks.

* * *

 **Tada! There you go, happily ever after again.**


End file.
